Wimsey's Blog:Diary of a Manhattan Bloodhound

Entry #109
March 6, 2009

Hello Everyone. It’s me Wimsey, wishing you a happy March and march is what I have been doing this week all over my demesne on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, much to the discomfit of my human Maria and her friend Elizabeth who can never quite seem to keep up. I guess that is the price they pay for being two legs short of a full deck. Of course, being short of a full deck is a characteristic of Hound lovers in general. And if you want firsthand evidence of my Houndly vigor, here is another YouTube video to feast your eyes (and ears) upon: Is it any wonder no one is jumping up and down to take me into the show ring?

Well, we were supposed to have a monster storm last Sunday and Monday which was much anticipated by all—last year Elizabeth purchased a pair of high boots for just such an occasion that have yet to see the light of day so we were all convinced that they were about to make their debut. But then the storm, although very nice, turned out top be really only a few inches. Nevertheless it was enough to arouse my snow dog instincts to such an extent as to threaten imminent bodily harm to my humans (to say nothing of the over awed small dog in the video who somehow seemed not all that eager to play with me).

In any case I had a good time, which at the end of the day is all that really matters and it looks like Elizabeth’s boots are destined to remain in the closet indefinitely unless she visits Gus, Bloodhound of the Yukon in Alaska. And speaking of Gus, his human teaches second grade and she has invited me to write a little book about New York City for her students—I am apparently quite a popular figure in her classroom, my Klingonesque wrinkles being much admired. This is a very exciting project and of course no book about New York City would be complete without a liberal sprinkling of pictures of me and my many historically significant ancestors. I have been hard at work at it all week as it is very apparent that one of the first things that small humans should be able to read about is me. Perhaps I should also write a first grade reading book:

Here is Dick. Hello Dick (perhaps the use of this name should be reconsidered). Dick is very hungry. Dick is eating a hot dog. See Dick’s Hound Wimsey. Hello Wimsey. Dick’s Hound is also very hungry. See Dick run! See Wimsey chase Dick! See Dick fall down! See Wimsey eat the hot dog. See Dick cry. Wimsey is very happy. It was a very good hot dog. Dick is too fat anyway. Here is Jane. Hello Jane. See Jane’s dress. See Jane’s white dress. See Jane’s white dress with ruffles. See how pretty Jane looks in her white dress with ruffles. Jane likes ruffles. Here is Dick’s Hound Wimsey. Hello Wimsey. Wimsey also likes ruffles. See the mustard on Wimsey’s muzzle . See the dirt on Wimsey’s paws. See Wimsey knock Jane down. Poor Jane. See Wimsey play with Jane’s ruffles. See Wimsey rip the ruffles. See the spots on Jane’s dress. See the large spots on Jane’s dress. See the large yellow and black spots on Jane’s dress. She looks like a bumblebee. Everyone thinks this is funny. Jane does not think this is funny. See Jane cry. Wimsey is very happy.

But before I forget, I have a technical announcement: for anyone who subscribes to my blog, Feedburner was bought by Google so you have to re-subscribe if you haven’t already. Anyway, please do subscribe as a day without Hound is a day that is entirely too peaceful. By the way, if you use dogpile.com as your search engine they donate money to the ASPCA—they even have little counter keeping track of the dollars raised—so far over $350,000. But of course that search engine does have a rather unfortunate name—there is only one thing that a dog pile puts me in mind of and it doesn’t have anything to do with rugby, where the term apparently originated. Also, while being googled sounds rather flattering, being dog piled sounds very much the opposite-- like something that requires immediate access to a shower and a lot of deodorant.

But it has been a very good week here in NYC—our Sunday pre-snow Central Park expedition was a spectacular success although Elizabeth is threatening to get one of those signs that school guards use that says Hound Crossing to protect yours truly from the aggression of New York City drivers when we cross the street. She really wants a rifle but this was thought to be a bit of an over reaction. It does however indicate a fine depth of feeling when it comes to my personal safety and I am sure my humans can teach the Secret Service a few tricks (although the two of them have never mastered the art of walking me in the diamond man formation). And Maria is threatening to equip our expedition with shooting sticks so that she and Elizabeth have something to sit on when I need to conduct my extensive olfactory investigations on a particular spot. (A good book and a cappuccino might also help to pass the time, although this could be somewhat dangerous as I am prone to split second decisions when I want to be on the move again). But all my nasal to-ing and fro-ing did bring up a discussion about the evolutionary superiority of the bloodhound nose and the evolution of the many species belonging to the genus Houndus.

Speciation of the Genus Houndus

Houndus Zippii: A fast moving Hound prone to causing injury to attendant Homo sapiens.

Houndus dilatorius: A member of the opposite branch of the evolutionary tree from H. zippii, this species of Houndus is noted for its ability to move in excruciatingly slow increments, a trait that is particularly noticeable when dilatorius is pointed in a homeward direction.

Houndus filchus: This species of Houndus occupies the important ecological niche of relieving Homo sapiens of extraneous possessions and food items it deems unnecessary to their happiness and essential to his.

Houndus tushi: This species of Houndus is easily located in its natural habitat of the human lap, a habitat that it requires extreme coaxing to leave.

Houndus shoveroff: A powerful branch of the Houndus family noted for its large paws and heavily muscled limbs which it uses to evict competing species from desirable perches such as couches and beds.

Houndus hydrophobus: H. hydrophobus is characterized by its extreme aversion to immersion in water. Hydrophobus will orchestrate dramatic escapes from any situation of an aquatic nature particularly those that also involve soap.

Houndus poopus crypticus: This is a species of Houndus known for its prowess at depositing its excrement in hard to reach places such as in dense underbrush, particularly underbrush containing nettles or thorn bearing plants; it is also partial to depositing on the other side of high fences, down ravines and onto highways.

Houndus taurus: A species of Houndus distinguished by its resemblance to an irate bull as it rearranges large amounts of vegetation in its characteristic ground pawing post poop ritual.

Houndus aquarius: Houndus aquarius has an unparalleled ability to transport fluids from places of origin such as water bowls to distant locations for deposition on species such as Homo sapiens that it deems insufficiently hydrated.

Houndus flatulusei: This is the most feared species of Houndus as it possesses a powerful scent based weapon capable of clearing rooms filled with predators or those wanting to do it harm through such activities as ear cleaning, nail clipping, gentle leadering, bathing and foot washing or from merely wishing to dislodge it from a comfortable spot.

And of course I know you are wondering about what species of Houndus I am and the answer to that is that I am Houndus rex also know as Tyrantosaurus wimseii.

Anyway, it is now time for us to zip on over to the Wimsey Institute of Houndish Art where we look at the work of Camille Pissarro. Pissarro was a late 19th century neo-Impressionist French painter known for his love and respect for natural subjects and for the simple peasant life. Although Pissarro’s paintings are well regarded he is almost better known for his extraordinary influence on the post impressionist painters such as Cezanne and Gauguin among others. Two Young Peasant Women (Camille Pissarro, 1892, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York). While this painting captures the serenity that Pissarro always strove for, I think that the women look rather sad. I am sure they would feel better if a magnificent singing Hound was inserted into the picture to improve their spirits. See how now instead of seeming sad and tired it appears as if they are listening intently to the acoustically robust voice of the Hound. Wimsey With Two Young Peasant Women.

Well it is time to prepare myself for this evening’s walk but I just wanted to say before I go that if you find you want more of me, you can go to my new online store at http://www.printfection.com/thewimseystore and obtain merchandise with my picture or those from my Institute’s collection.

Until next time,

Wimsey Rex