March 19, 2010
Hello everyone. It’s me, Wimsey welcoming you to my birthday post from New York’s Upper West Side where spring has clearly sprung, bringing rain, sunshine and flowers all for my perambulating pleasure. And it has been another social week this week, with meeting and greeting many fine new friends, large medium and small. And of course there was St. Patrick's Day to celebrate with my green sequins and soem meeting and greeting of parade goers.(Next year I want to wear a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish Button" and see if anyone does!)
It is also the beginning of the annual season of Tourist Wimsey Worship wherein I get to snuffle and drool on as many citizens from around the globe as possible and my human Maria and her friend Elizabeth get to practice their language skills. The fact that they can only say things that relate to Hounds somewhat limits the conversational possibilities, but I am sure their knowledge will prove very useful:
Maria and Elizabeth’s World Tour
Waiter: Bonjour Mesdames. What would you like?
Maria: I have a very beautiful Hound.
Elizabeth: His name is Wimsey.
Waiter: Congratulations. But what would you like to eat?
Maria: Wimsey likes to eat salmon. He can eat much salmon.
Elizabeth: Also the roast chicken. He is very big. He weighs almost 60 kilos.
At the Hotel in Germany
Maria: I have a very beautiful Hound. He likes to sleep on the big bed.
Elizabeth: But he does not like it when you sleep on the big bed.
Desk Clerk: I can give you two beds.
Maria: Wimsey makes many loud noises when he sleeps.
Elizabeth: Also he makes many odors.
Seeing the sites in Rome
Maria: I have a very beautiful Hound. He likes to take many walks.
Elizabeth: He is very strong and pulls very hard when he walks.
Tour Guide: The Forum has many old and interesting buildings.
Maria: Wimsey likes old and interesting buildings.
Elizabeth: Wimsey likes old and interesting buildings that have been recently visited by interesting dogs.
At the Royal Palace in Budapest
Guard: May I help you?
Maria: I can say Bloodhound in Hungarian.
Elizabeth: I can too but you won’t understand me.
Guard: Are you looking for something?
Maria: Bloodhounds. The fountain with the Bloodhounds. I have a Bloodhound. A really, really big Bloodhound. Although not as big as the Bloodhounds in the fountain. Bloodhounds are good. Bloodhounds smell things. Bloodhounds smell things that you don’t want them to smell, like your dirty underwear and other people’s backsides. Bloodhounds are loud. Bloodhounds scare people when they bay. Bloodhound, Bloodhound, Bloodhound. Isn’t it wonderful that I can say Bloodhound!
Guard: Not as wonderful as the fact that I can say tourists are crazy.
At the pub in London
Landlord: What can I get you lovely lassies?
Elizabeth: Folks are gobsmnacked at the sight of him. Especially when he bungs his bum into their laps.
Maria: It makes them sling their hooks right sharpish it does . He weighs over nine stone.
Elizabeth: Here is his photo. Care to have a dekko? He’s the dog’s bollocks he is. Really.
At a bar in Barcelona
Guy: Buenas Noches. Two beautiful women all alone!
Maria: I have a beautiful Hound. He is very nice but he smells.
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Maria: Wimsey drinks much water. This makes him pee a lot.
Elizabeth: He also throws drool in your face. It is very thick and sticky.
Guy: Now I understand why you are alone!
My humans are masters of Conversational Hound!
Anyway, today is my birthday and my humans are all of a flutter trying to think of what to do for me. I definitely know there will be poached salmon for dinner and a cup of Grom gelato when I am finished with my antibiotics, but it’s a big challenge to cosset an already much cosseted Hound. And speaking of antibiotics, I am back in pleine forme as the French say after my recent unfortunate dog vs. Wimsey encounter. My stitches came out on Wednesday and I got to see my new friends at the emergency vet’s office and make even more new friends in the waiting room. I do some of my best socializing at the vet’s. Probably because I am there so often.
Well during my convalescence I was taken excellent care of. Personally I think I too would make an excellent nurse—perhaps as a cost cutting measure the insurance companies should look into employing Hound nurses.
Wimsey’s Hound Hospital
Nurse Wimsey: Are you comfortable?
Patient: Yes nurse.
Wimsey: Well we’ll have to do something about that. Seeing humans comfortable makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel inadequate. Let me adjust those pillows.
Patient: But if you lie on them they will flatten out.
Nurse Wimsey: Exactly. Fluffy pillows are bad for your neck. In fact I will just liberate a little of the stuffing and then they will be perfect.
Patient: But now they are just pillow cases!
Nurse Wimsey: Excellent. How about some water?
Nurse Wimsey: I’ll just taste it first to make sure the temperature is correct.
Patient: But there’s drool in the water now!
Nurse Wimsey: Drool has many health giving properties. Are you hungry?
Nurse Wimsey: Here’s dinner.
Patient: But it’s just some Jell-O!
Nurse Wimsey: Sorry about that. The rest of the food wasn’t too bad but I never did like the taste of Jell-O. Hospital food has too many calories and processed ingredients and I only permit the best for my patients. Let me arrange your sheets.
Patient: But you’ve pulled them off the bed!
Nurse Wimsey: I am constructing a sheet nest so I can be at your side to constantly attend to your needs . And speaking of needs, how about a bed pan?
Patient: OK. But that’s the Get Well Bouquet my friends sent!
Nurse Wimsey: You’re lucky you didn’t get the rose bush. Those thorns can be tricky.
Well, let’s see, did I mention it is my birthday, an exciting event Chez Hound, so I decided to see what the year has in store for me over at cafeastology.com:
Your Birthday Year Forecast
With the Sun and Moon in a waxing semi-square at the time of your birthday this year, the period ahead is one of new initiatives and action (time to finally eat the couch?) You possess quite a bit of energy, but you must be aware that emotions color much of what you do this year. (How will I feel if I eat the couch?)
The Sun conjunct Mercury and Uranus in your Solar Return chart suggests a very busy period ahead, with plenty of activities, interests, and intellectual stimulation. (Hope this means towing, gardening, and drool flinging and not obedience class).Flashes of insight into existing problems are likely. (If I eat the couch I will have nothing to nap on!) You are making important changes this year, and leaving the past behind in some manner. (Will be getting rid of that heinous gentle leader!)
At times, you may be rebellious, (Moi???) so it is important to listen to your heart and to take action rather than always reacting to others and situations (perhaps I should make more effort to take charge of the walk from the very beginning instead of merely towing in the opposite direction from the one in which my humans want to go?) There may be times that you feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you (No, this is the problem my humans have). You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth. (More communication about me!)
There are bound to be some surprises in store (usually surprises are for my humans. Like those missing brassieres.) Your thinking is more clever and original this year (this one strikes fear into the hearts of my humans), and there may be unexpected opportunities for travel, as well as new and perhaps unusual friendships (perhaps I will befriend a moose during my spring trip to Upstate New York and the Midwest)
You are able to come up with original solutions to existing problems and brand new ideas more readily this year (how to eat the couch in such a way as not to impair its napping potential).
This is a good year for projects involving technology or New Age topics (my book on Houndism?) You may find more opportunities to attend meetings and other organized group activities, to communicate online, and to take part in activities involving computers (more social networking!), scientific projects (the application of Newtonian physics to the destruction of the human body!), or metaphysics (I stink, drool, tow and destroy, therefore I am.) Original, creative ideas are easy to come by this year. (A new approach to Elizabeth’s closet clutter problem perhaps?)
With Uranus electrifying your Sun much of the year, you can expect a more liberated and interesting year than most. (Is this the year of The Unbound Hound!) Changes are in store for you, and they're likely to be very positive if you recognize and honor your need for newness in your life (I honor my need to undertake new and unexpected projects. Maybe I should go for the bed instead of the couch?)
Jupiter transits your Sun this year, bringing more awareness of moral issues and long-term goals, as well as a stronger than usual desire to improve and learn this year (What more can I do to disrupt the lives of my humans?) Optimism and confidence are with you, and you are able to attract fortunate circumstances into your life as a result (hopefully in the form of Grom Gelato, poached salmon and Dean’s pizza).
Problems are easier to resolve this year (do it my way). You are more sociable and might meet especially helpful people (who share their sandwiches with me) during this period. Travel opportunities are more likely (my spring trip!). Your broader perspective on matters this year keeps you from getting lost in details (do I eat the couch from the top down or the bottom up?) or overly frustrated by everyday stresses and strains (like having to wear a gentle leader going down the stairs so I don’t kill my humans).
This transit heightens your optimism and generosity (I look forward to sharing my drool with even more people), and the entire cycle, which runs until December, has the potential for being a relaxed, fortunate, and hopeful time in your life. (Just like all the other times in my life).
You are greeting life with a fresh, can-do attitude (The Hound is definitely a can do creature as long as it is something we want to do and nothing you want us to do). Events occur that help you to overcome problems that previously seemed challenging or even insurmountable--you have an altogether different perspective on life now, and are not inclined much to sweat the small stuff (OK. Won’t worry about my inability to kill my humans going down the stairs as long as I can inflict bodily harm at other times). You create a distinct first impression on others (given my size, my stench and my drool, this is a gross understatement), and your likeability increases (can this even be possible?)
Work is solid this year (a lot of my work is liquid), and you can see results from your efforts, or at least foresee success down the road. (More physical therapy for Elizabeth!) This gives you a sense of responsibility and a feeling of directedness and purposefulness. (I am nothing if not purposeful. Although my purposes are seldom of a desirable nature). Traditional methods work, and thoroughness brings rewards (will stick to traditional chewing, shredding, digging, and flinging drool and will give over trying to devise fancy wrestling manoeuvres). Practice or refining a technique is favored this year (I will diligently practice my towing!) The approach that seems to work best with this aspect is a step-by-step one, with modest ambitions and the appreciation of slow but steady progress (perhaps start with just the legs of the couch).
Saturn is square Pluto in your Solar Return chart. This suggests a need for you to come to terms with your own powers of authority and your effectiveness. (I am always seeking ways to be more powerful and effective). Power struggles, frustration, and manipulation are possible themes this year (as I tirelessly and ceaselessly battle the machinations of the evil humans who are attempting to control my impeccably Houndish behaviour). You may desire change, but feel blocked by others or by circumstances. Persistence will pay off in the end (did a Hound write this?).Personal confidence and hopefulness run high, and so does a need for freedom (As a Hound, I find this bit unnecessary and redundant). Some new ideas are abundant and learning opportunities are many (this is just what my humans are afraid of; perhaps I should learn to open the refrigerator and cut out the middleman). This is a busy period in your life in which you make helpful and stimulating contacts (more celebrity admirers?)
Work is solid (my humans like solid) and brings slow but steady rewards. Even so, you are especially imaginative and creative, (this is not a desirable forecast if you happen to live with a Hound, especially if you want to retain your food and possessions) and channeling this energy into something productive can bring rewards. (Everything Hounds do brings rewards, otherwise we don’t do them).
Well that's my year according to the stars. Now I must get back to my birthday celebrations. That salmon is calling to me.