Entry #259
May 4, 2012
Hello Everyone--Wimsey here coming to you from a persistently cool and soggy Upper West Side of Manhattan where I am still awaiting further opportunities to hang out in my shared garden and terrorize the neighbor’s cat. My human Maria wishes I’d terrorize the mice that wander into our apartment instead but her friend Elizabeth has theorized that the only way I’d terrorize the mice is if she didn’t actually want me to terrorize the mice.
Well, it’s been a quiet week around here owing to the fact
that once again I managed to pull a muscle—this time in my front left leg—so
I’ve been hobbling around and the ladies have been administering aspirin and
massages and insisting that I rest and not take two hours to evacuate my
bladder and bowels. Killjoys. But I am a Hound and being hobbly doesn’t
stop me from trying to pull them for long walks by the river or to Central Park
which they find completely exasperating and I find completely delightful. And
my leg will give the vet another medical mystery to ponder during what has
become my weekly Saturday visit wherein I meet and greet, get petted, get admired
and get fed treats and my humans get to pay for it all. Were it not for the stray finger up the bum
it would be a perfect setup.
Peter Minuit: So,
it is agreed that in consideration of these several bolts of cloth that my wife
rejected as being too ugly to make curtains out of and whose choice is indicative
of my general lack of good taste, refinement and an understanding of her
esthetic, together with some beads and assorted doo dads from the junk drawer,
you, The Manhattanites agree to give the Dutch East India company and its
rapacious representatives, the right to use this island to set up a society devoted
to the making of unlimited amounts of money, the wearing black clothing the eating of sushi and the drinking of fancy cocktails
in martini glasses that don’t remotely resemble martinis. And you promise not
to engage in any anti-social behavior such as killing us or scalping us when we
have loud parties and our taxis try to run you over.
Indian Chief: Well
our gift will sleep with you and provide you with plenty of companionship,
especially when you are trying to read the newspapers or writing to the East
India Company to complain about the high cost of living in Manhattan.
Peter Minuit:
Well whatever it is, I hope my wife will like it. I’m in enough trouble as it
is.
Peter Minuit: But
it’s just a big dog!
Indian Chief: No,
he’s not a big dog. He is a big Hound. You’ll learn the difference, trust me.
And there is no “just,” or justice for that matter, about it.
Peter Minuit: Well he is very majestic looking, although he
seems rather baggy. But apart from pleasing the wife what other useful things
does he do?
Peter Minuit: OK,
what else?
Indian Chief: Well
he has a very powerful nose and will find all manner of succulent animals.
Peter Minuit:
Great! We could use a good hunting dog.
Indian Chief: I don’t know about the good part but he is an
excellent hunting dog. It’s just that he’s not big on sharing what he finds and
I wouldn’t try getting anything away from him unless you fancy running a
marathon. But if it’s edible, he’ll find it.
Especially if it’s on your dinner table.
Peter Minuit: But
he will help to keep us warm at night.
Indian Chief: Certainly.
If he lets you in the bed.
Peter Minuit: He
sounds a lot like Mrs. Minuit.
Indian Chief: Oh,
and don’t worry about him getting lost—you can hear him all over the island. In fact it’s impossible not to.
Peter Minuit: Well
thank you Chief for this most generous gift!
And, as they say, the rest is history. And speaking of
history tomorrow is Cinqo de Mayo which means that all weekend long New Yorkers
will be piling into Mexican restaurants and chowing down on enchiladas and
tacos and swilling pitchers of margaritas all in celebration of our Mexican
heritage. In multicultural New York City (an estimated 800 languages are spoken here,
not including the English that New Yawkers speak) everyone is Mexican on Cinqo
de Mayo just as everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And if your nationality has a festival day
that involves highly caloric food and plenty of alcohol we’ll celebrate that
one too! It’s our way of honoring diversity and promoting world peace. One
drink at a time.
But I think there should be a special holiday honoring
Hounds:
Things People Can Do
On Houndo de Mayo
Spit on each other
Yell at each other
Push each other
Hit each other
Poke each other
Knock each other over
Ruin each other’s clothing
Take what they want from everybody else
Refuse to do anything everybody else wants to do
Dig up plants, especially expensive ones that don’t belong
to you
Knock over garbage cans
Destroy fences
Pee on cars
Fling dirt
Track mud everywhere
Chase the neighbor’s cat
Bathe in city fountains
Demand food
Steal food
Steal anything you want
Shred books and newspapers
Spit on computer screens
Turn household objects into toys
Invade space
Shove others off couches, beds and furniture
Snore
Fart
Belch
Don’t bathe
Vomit food that you decided you didn’t like
Sneeze in people’s faces
Use people’s clothing as napkins
Have pillow fights
Climb into other people’s cars
Tell everyone what you think
Tell everyone what you think some more
Don’t apologize for anything
Don’t feel guilty about anything
Drink a lot of gin
Top 10 Problems
Facing France
1. Rude people
2. Rude people who don’t speak English
3. Dog poop on the streets
4. Too many other tourists ruining the atmosphere
5. Hotel and restaurant staff treating you like you’re
wearing a coonskin cap and carrying an axe.
6. Figuring out how to tie those scarves
7. Figuring out how to get the money to pay for those
scarves you can’t tie
8. The $10 cup of
coffee
9. A language that no
one can pronounce and few people want to try
10. The French
I’m guessing that the people in the UK have a similar list,
but it’s all in the spirit of Anglo Saxon fun. As those of you who read this
blog know, as a Chien de St. Hubert I am quite proud of my French heritage. So maybe #11 on the list should be that they
made me!
Well I think I will leave it there for now. Hope you all are
enjoying the Merry Month of May which is even more Merry with a Hound around.
At least for us. (I was sad not to be able to find a May Pole on Tuesday; I had
big plans for it).
Until next time,
Wimsey See, Wimsey Do, Wimsey No
1 comment:
Wimsey, hope you'll be feeling better soon. But, don't tell your humans if you are! Then you can keep getting extra attention!
It's been rainy here, and I've been enjoying the rubdowns when I come back in the house. Might have to request that all the time, rain or not.
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