Entry #303
May 3, 2013
Hello Everyone, Wimsey here, coming to you from the springy
borough of Manhattan where here on the Upper West Side it is finally starting
to feel like spring. This mostly means
that my human Maria and her friend Elizabeth are now complaining about the
difficulty of dressing for weather that is neither hot nor cold and an
assortment of odd Hound smelling garments have made their seasonal appearances from
the nether reaches of their closets. Those
oh-so- flattering fleece vests and hoodies are once again in the house and the hunt
has begun for t-shirts capable of standing up to the onslaught of drool and
dirt that walking me entails.
And wardrobe was a relevant topic this week—we saw Tim Gunn
of Project Runway fame strolling up Broadway,
shopping bags in tow and looking every bit as dapper and impeccably dressed as
he does on TV. Somehow he failed to
admire Elizabeth’s chic flannel hoodie, distressed and drooly jeans, giant
leather fanny pack and her elegant New Balance footwear. Or perhaps, like most
people, he wisely chose not to look. Tim Gunn has been known to complain about
the slobification of America but I prefer to think of it as the Houndification
of my humans. My humans have in the past
written to a number of the TV fashion shows suggesting episodes that focus on
Dressing for Drool and for Getting Dragged Around the Show Ring by a Large
Hound but so far no takers.
But speaking of onslaughts, the advent of spring means that
I temporarily augment the dragging of my humans to pet shops and snack shops
with the dragging of them to the seasonal cafes that have now opened along the
Hudson. And whereas various diners think
that the arrival of a giant Hound who parks himself in their midst, bays at them
for their food and refuses to leave until he gets some is entertaining, my
humans are often less than amused. I find that it is always good to rotate
one’s obsessions but there is nothing quite like cadging food from a pack of al
fresco diners along the scenic banks of the river. This is me at Pier 1 trying to order some
food.
And of course spring brings spring fever, which is my excuse
for my missing blog post last week. I
just spent too much time lounging around outdoors to even think about writing
and a lot of my weekly diary consists of such things as:
Rolled in grass
Rolled in more grass
Rolled in short grass
Rolled in long grass
Napped in grass
Ate grass
Laid down in grass
Laid down in grass and refused to move
Laid down in grass and thought about chasing squirrel
Laid down in grass and decided not to chase squirrel
Laid down in grass and made humans scratch me
That’s my way of
saying that not a lot that is exciting has gone on around here unless you are
interested in grass. I did post on
Facebook though about how one of my vets is going to be on a reality TV show
(apparently on a major network, not something like the Vets Who Take Care of
Hounds Channel or anything like that) and the producers were looking for cute
(canine) patients who could briefly appear.
They wanted dogs that looked like this guy so my humans submitted my
pictures.
But hey, it’s acting---I can
play small and fluffy. I generally
behave like a small dog anyway (except when I need to shove someone off the
couch) so it’s not much of a stretch. But
sadly we haven’t heard from the producers.
But hey, it’s acting---I can
play small and fluffy. I generally
behave like a small dog anyway (except when I need to shove someone off the
couch) so it’s not much of a stretch. But
sadly we haven’t heard from the producers.
The warm weather also brought back my intense desire to take
a dip in the lake in Central Park (and
my humans, who have an intense desire not to take a dip in the lake in Central
Park, had to brace themselves against an adjacent rock to prevent joining me). 
I became quite the aquatic attraction and
people in boats were rowing up to say hi to me and to photograph me—the next
best thing to a swim up bar since adult beverages are technically prohibited in
Central Park. Of course, Giant Hounds taking
dips in the lake are also technically prohibited in Central Park. But my lake dipping may be curtailed by forces
other than the ticket toting park rangers—the snakehead fish has apparently
invaded Central Park! It’s got a
fearsome set of choppers (think piranha) and feet and can hang out on land. And being the brave beast that I am should I
encounter such a creature I would instantly drag my humans at a high rate of
speed in the opposite direction.
I became quite the aquatic attraction and
people in boats were rowing up to say hi to me and to photograph me—the next
best thing to a swim up bar since adult beverages are technically prohibited in
Central Park. Of course, Giant Hounds taking
dips in the lake are also technically prohibited in Central Park. But my lake dipping may be curtailed by forces
other than the ticket toting park rangers—the snakehead fish has apparently
invaded Central Park! It’s got a
fearsome set of choppers (think piranha) and feet and can hang out on land. And being the brave beast that I am should I
encounter such a creature I would instantly drag my humans at a high rate of
speed in the opposite direction. 
We did, however, have one rainy day which enabled Elizabeth
to test out the new yellow slicker that she bought me—my red one has always
been a bit small and Elizabeth has an irrational belief that somewhere out
there there is a raincoat large enough for me.
This one needed Velcro extenders around the girth but had an amount of
slippage that she found very unsatisfactory. I find coats very unsatisfactory
in general so I was quite pleased that she wasn’t pleased. Unfortunately I am told that a fancy Finnish
coat made by Hurtta is on its way, which pretty much guarantees that there will
be no rain for the rest of the year.
And of course spring also brings tourists in droves to New
York City and what could be more delightful than meeting me! Drool is its own
universal language. In fact I think that
I should design an app to compete with Google Translate
Wimsey’s Hound
Translation App
Hello my name is Maria (Hello
her name isn’t important, my name is Wimsey).
How do you do (Scratch
my belly)
Do you speak English? (I
pretend not to speak English either)
How much does this post card cost? (How much does this large piece of cheese cost?)
Where is the toilet? (Where
is the large tree?)
I would like some gelato (Give me some gelato)
Do you have a room (Do you have a room with a large bed and a
comfortable spot on the floor for my human)
Where is the nearest restaurant (Where is the nearest pile of horse manure)
I am looking for the museum (I am looking for a pile of garbage)
I would like a bottle of water (I would like a bottle without water)
What a lovely dress you have on (What a lovely pair of panties you have on)
I am very sorry (I am
not sorry at all)
I live in New York (I
live in Central Park)
Your city is very beautiful (I am very smelly)
Where there is a Hound can an international incident be far
behind?
And in other exciting news, Elizabeth went to the dentist
this week. This is always exciting
because Elizabeth is afraid of dentists and has to take a lot of Valium which
means that when she comes to pick me up in the afternoon it’s all:
Hello Wimsey what a beautiful Hound you are come here and
let me scratch your belly would you like some of this turkey let me break it
into nice pieces for you don’t worry about the drool what’s a little drool here
let me scratch between your flews that feels good doesn’t it oh is it time for
your walk here are a few cookies to give you strength you’re such a beautiful
Hound what a lovely voice you have where would you like to go today it’s such a
lovely day and you’re such a lovely Hound would you like some more turkey
here’s a pet shop let’s go in and see what we can buy you what a beautiful toy
here’s the Belgian waffle truck would you like a nice warm waffle with whipped
cream you’re such a wonderful Hound… Then she falls asleep.
And although relatively uneventful, this week has brought
much gastronomic bounty. It began with Maria bringing home a doggy bag of steak
from a dinner companion’s plate, then deciding that it’s been far too long since
I’ve had my favorite cheese (Morbier) so she braved Fairway to purchase some
for me, then we ran into the Grom Gelato truck and Elizabeth decided that it’s
been far too long since I’ve had a cup so she purchased it for me and fed it to
me in the dainty spoonfuls that I prefer, then a friend of Elizabeth’s was in
the Union Square market and saw a large ostrich bone and packs of ostrich jerky
that she though I might enjoy so she purchased those for me and finally Maria
discovered that the tony bakery Bouchon made foie gras dog biscuits so she went
out and bought them for me. I think
that’s it if you don’t count the pretzel a little girl down at the lake fed me.
Then Maria and Elizabeth had a disagreement about the meaning of the word
spoiled and decided that entitled was a preferable term.
Well I think I will leave it there for this week. But before I go here is a totally gratuitous
picture. It is of my friend Phineas the
Ibizan Hound. There is no picture of us
together because whereas posing one excited Hound is a challenge posing two excited
Hounds is miraculous.
Until next time,
Wimsey, Spoiled, Entitled or Fabulous?
